Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ko-Ru-La Report #1
Is this report tardy?  Certainly!

Which excuse will I use?

a)  The seagull ate it.
b)  I was sick.
c)  I'm on vacation and didn't have to finish my report.
d)  Was the report due this week?

Hmmm.  I'm going to go with "b".

On the drive to the beach last Saturday I got sick, threw up on my computer and found the keyboard entirely too icky to touch.  Because it needed a good cleaning I took it to the beach for a dip in the world's wash basin.  It was there that I saw happy young people fairly skimming across the vast face of the ocean, darting before the crest of each wave.  Their glee, perhaps directed by Satan solely for this purpose, filled my being with a need to join them.  At that point I began using my aging Mac as a boogie board.*

With the conclusion of one splendid ride, my computer, by now vomit-free but soaking wet, was driven by the wave and my exceptional weight into the frothy sand at the ocean's margin.**  At that point, my fever much reduced by the cool salt water pushed southward under the effect Bertha's exhalations, I came to my senses.  I realized in a split second that not only my computer was most likely ruined in this foolish attempt to wash it in the sea, but the entire reason for washing it - a sticky, fetid keyboard - had been one imaginary product of the hallucinatory delirium accompanying my fever.

Yet all was not lost.  The silicon of the sand recognized the silicon of the computer's chips.  In something akin to a professional courtesy the sand bowed out, taking all its briny water and small organism associates with it, leaving my computer as dry and clean as it had always been.  More than could be expected, to be sure, and I am so grateful I won't even attempt to put words to my appreciation.

Naturally, I was not completely cured of the disease that set this whole chain of unlikely events in motion.  Barely had I enough sense to return to the rented villa to which my Hiroko and I had repaired from the muggy atmosphere of the Virginia summer.  Presently I will be released from the Currituck County Jail at which time I must post bond and blog, the latter with the continued explanation of its own tardiness.

I thank you in advance for the patience with which you, my dear readers, will receive the blog, once it becomes available.

*Advice to my readers: Do not wash your computer in the Atlantic when still suffering from fever.

**Physicians of note have commented that phrasing of a peculiarly archaic nature might be a lifelasting reminder of my recent illness.